The Church of Me

Well, I'm Still Alive...

2006-01-03T01:38:00.000-08:00

Nothing much to say, except that I hope everyone out there has had a very happy holiday season...

I'm all right, the guys in my convoy are o.k., and so far pretty much everything has been safe... we're still on the same convoy we left out on before Christmas, and we're quite a few days late, but... it's actually not our fault, so...

I mean, what with the higher command shutting down the road constantly because of all of the bombs going off, and the people shooting at just about anything that moves, and the just plain old fashioned bad luck that keeps happening, hell... I'm surprised they're actually sending out any convoys at all...

At least we haven't had it as bad as one of our other platoons... they had a civilian TCN (third country national) fall asleep, hit a military truck, rupture the fuel tank, and thankfully the guys in the truck (FRIENDS OF MINE) got out before the truck burned all the way to the ground... they don't have much in the way of clothes or equipment now, but... at least I've seen that they're all o.k...

So, other than the occasional spot of bad luck, things are going well over here in this country of get-shot-or-blown-up-often...

I'll try and post a bit more often, (as if anyone's reading this now), and I'll try and keep everyone up-to-date on anything the least bit interesting...

Peace...

Merry Christmas From Iraq...

2005-12-25T09:56:00.000-08:00

Well, it's officially Christmas Day here, actually it's night, but it's been an o.k. day, I guess... at least we got some sleep, and didn't have to do much of any real work...

I've been on a mission up North, since the middle of last week... we're almost at our destination, just an hour or so away... we stopped in this camp an hour or so north of Baghdad early this morning, and didn't go anywhere because of a broke truck... it's not so bad, really... I mean, I'm actually in the same camp that I spent Christmas of 2003 in... so, it's at least a "familiar place", haha...

Well, at least we got a visit from Santa last night... we were parked at another camp a few hours south of here, along the side of the road just outside the gate, and Santa came by and talked with us for a few minutes, gave a few gifts... then he rode off on his four-wheeler (hey, it's the desert)... it wasn't much, but we all just do what we can to keep our spirits up...

So, from me to all of you who decide to read this, I say MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM IRAQ, and I hope all of you can spend as much time with your loved ones as you can stand... and maybe a little more...

Peace...

(it's actually 9:05 pm here, regardless of what the time-stamp at the bottom says...)

Another Week Going By...

2005-12-20T07:34:00.000-08:00

(or is it, month?)

O.k., I know I haven't been exactly writing up a storm on here, but it's not for lack of wanting to... it's mostly because of lack of things to say...

But, what I really want to do now is wish everyone who logs on here a MERRY CHRISTMAS, and I hope that everyone plans well enough to have a HAPPY NEW YEAR...

I really can count myself lucky, I guess... I'm going to have Christmas 2005 in a whole 'nother country!!! And, not only that, but I'm getting PAID to be here... imagine the happiness and joy that I'll have... and, with all of the people out there just trying to give me gifts, like bullets and explosions, well, what could make a holiday any better than that? Not much, I'll tell you now... (well, maybe spending the holidays with my family would be better, I guess...)

All sarcasm aside, I know that I volunteered for the Army, and I knew when I did (Oct. 2003) that there was a war going on... hell, I ended up in Iraq 1 & 1/2 months after I joined... because of my service in the National Guard, I didn't have to go back through any training, so... I just got up off the couch (three years since my last Guard drill), and wham!!! I was in the middle of this war we've got going on here...

But, it's not all bad... at least I'm here with many, many people I consider to be friends... and even though I'm away from my family, I still keep in touch with them as often as possible, and I know that I'll get leave in a few months, and then I'll be home not too long after that...

I hope everyone can have the things they need to make this a Merry Christmas, and I hope that all your families and friends are able to celebrate with you... and, for those of you who can't be together during the holidays, just remember, no matter the reason you're apart, you're still together in you're hearts...

Peace...

The Simple Reality Of Things Here...

2005-12-14T02:05:00.000-08:00

I know I've mentioned in some of my other posts about how things are dangerous here, and how it's all a part of the job, but...

I'm not trying for sympathy, or anything like that... but now, when I see the news on t.v. (yeah, we get it here in some places), and I see a headline like "Four U.S. Soldiers die in roadside blast while driving in a convoy" (something similar was on this morning's news), I have to wonder... could any of those (or all) be some of my friends? Or at least, someone in my unit or another unit that I know?

I say this because I heard that another convoy with some guys from our unit was hit the other day... and a very cool Lieutenant was in the Humvee that was hit... he and I aren't exactly friends, but we know and talk to each other often... and he's a very good person, and a good LT... to the best of my knowledge, he wasn't hurt badly, but... there's always the possibility that it could happen again, and worse, to someone else that I know...

We traveled a road a couple of nights ago that was literally a dirt trail through the desert... we figured it was fairly safe, because the conditions of the road was so poor that there was little traffic on it at all... when we got to the Camp we were going to, they were shocked... the reason there was little or no traffic on it was because of the fact that there was a very high chance of being hit by an IED somewhere on the route... which goes to show that even a dirt trail in the middle of nowhere can be dangerous, not just the high-traffic areas...

So, I guess we were lucky... I hope it stays that way...

Peace...

O.K., Now It's All For Real...

2005-12-10T14:49:00.000-08:00

I haven't tried to play the fact that I'm currently in the Army, and deployed to Iraq, for any sympathy... I've only tried to state things as fact, for what they are...

We've been on a convoy mission since Monday. It's Saturday now, and we're just now turning around to head back home. Thing is, by the way it should have been figured, we should be back in Kuwait right now. We're not.

First, there was fog so bad for three days, that we got held up in the farthest north camp in Kuwait for two days. Then, we had to stop over at another camp, it was supposed to be for a few hours, it turned out to be an extra day. Because they had too many IED's on the road that they needed to clear. Then, we get delayed while on the road, and had to pull over, pretty much one camp early and spend a few hours there, which turned out to be twelve in all, and finally got to this camp early last night. Tonight was the kicker. (not sure if I counted for all the days there, we've driven during the night, and then day, and... I'm barely sure it's Saturday. Actually, here it's now Sunday, 2:00 am.)

Tonight, we get out the gate early as possible, then drive down the road about a mile. There's a block at a checkpoint, but the Iraqi's won't give us info as to why for a while. They finally tell us something about IED's, and a gunfight a few miles down the road. Then, we start seeing rounds (sorry, bullets) flying by our vehicles (tracers, they light up when you shoot them so you can see them at night). We sit, stopped by the checkpoint block, and watch as rounds are going up in the air, and across the road (over all the trucks, none were hit as far as we know now), and finally the decision is made to turn back around and stay at this camp (we've been here since early this morning) until tomorrow night (we can't travel during the daytime, it's WAY too dangerous).

Then, when we get stopped and settled again for a few minutes, our Convoy Commander comes back and tells us that the convoy that left out of here just a couple hours ahead of us, going the same direction, was hit by four IED's...

We've all been to night-fire ranges before, and seen our tracers going out and down the range, but... it was a bit different to see them flying around in front of and past our trucks...

Now, intel came down that the Iraqis were celebrating a big soccer win... so, that explains the shots fired up into the air (for the most part, they do that to celebrate anything)... but, the rounds going over the trucks, well... those were probably aimed...

Peace...

(if there's a time discrepancy, it's because my blog is set at Central time, while I'm on Iraqi time, and for some reason, the controls aren't displayed right now to change it like I usually do...)

Well, Now I Earn My Money...

2005-12-05T00:18:00.000-08:00

I've been in Kuwait a month. I've sat around, went to classes, sat around some more, eaten chow hall food...

Finally, I get a chance to do the job the Army sent me over here for...

We're going on a "North Mission" as it's called here most of the time... which means, we're going to drive our slow, heavily armored tractor-trailer trucks into Iraq, and haul equipment and vehicles from here up to there, pick up stuff and haul it back... it's supposed to last a week, but it may be longer depending on how things go (we're expecting 2 weeks)...

So, I'll be off of here for a while (like I've really been burning up the keyboard anyways, right?), and when I get a chance, I'll try and relay back to everyone how things went... and hopefully, I'll just write that it was o.k., and nothing exciting happened, and we just took a little road trip and came home... because, the alternative is...

Well, let's just hope for the best...

Peace...

Well, I Guess I Might Be Alone Here...

2005-11-22T15:30:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if anyone's actually reading this blog anymore or not, but when it comes down to it, I'm not really sure if I care... I write on here for me, so...

I've stayed in touch with my family back home... I hope they know how much I really do miss them all, and how much I love them... I'm doing everything here for them, so... I just want them to know that they are all my world revolves around...

I don't want anyone to really think that I'm just one of those type of guys that wants to get attention for what he's doing, or because he's doing something that most people are afraid of... that's not me... I'm just doing what I have to so I can take care of my family FIRST, and, well, if I just happen to be serving my country and protecting the freedoms I believe in, well... then that works too...

I don't have any feedback from my last few posts, so I don't have to respond to anyone, or explain myself at all... I guess this could be considered a good thing, really...

Peace...

Just Another Day Here...

2005-11-19T18:20:00.000-08:00

Another update from me... I haven't gotten into the middle of things yet, it seems the Army spent 7 months training us in the U.S., only to send us here and put us through more training on the same things we learned before... this training is better, though, because we're learning straight from people who've just done these things in real-world situations...

Oh, and in case I didn't mention it, or even if I did and I forgot, what we're going to be doing here is driving trucks from Kuwait into Iraq, and all over Iraq, and back down into Kuwait, delivering vehicles and equipment to the troops that need them, and bringing back "blown-up busted crap" (a direct quote from someone that's done it for a year) that's straight out of the middle of the war... we are not actually a truck-driving unit, but we've been cross-trained to do it for the next year, so...

And, for anyone that doesn't think driving a truck can be very dangerous, just read the paper and turn on the news... IED's are always targeting, what? (did they say, convoys? I think they did...)

SO, I have no illusions about what the next year has in store for us... it's going to be dangerous in quite a few ways, BUT at the same time, we're trained about as well as we're gonna be, until we get some real experience under our asses... all in all, it's looking to be a VERY interesting year...

Well, that's enough of that...

My family is doing well, at least, as well as possible, and I'm looking at possibly getting leave some time about halfways through next year, so... I'm going to get through all this with my head held high, and a very calm, professional attitude...

I mean, hell, what else can I do?

Peace...

More Proof That I'm Still Alive...

2005-11-12T16:06:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm posting this today just to prove that I'm still alive... I haven't even done anything dangerous yet, unless you count sitting around until I'm bored to TEARS waiting for someone to tell me to do something... but, I guess that's only dangerous to the annoying people around me...

As for me, I just can't wait to get through all of the inprocessing we're doing, so that we can start our REAL missions into that dangerous place...
I can't tell you all just HOW dangerous it is right now, but if you watch the news, I'm sure you get most of the picture...

We're all going to come home fine... I know that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, because we're a VERY well trained combat unit, and, while what we're going to be doing is one of the most dangerous things that can be done here (besides all the infantry house-to-house stuff, or the assaults), we are highly dedicated to the idea of bringing EVERYONE home alive... so, don't cry for us, we are Soldiers, and we're here doing what we signed up to do...

(hope that wasn't too much propaganda for anyone... it's just how most of us here really do feel...)

Peace...

Ok, Here It Is...

2005-11-06T12:32:00.000-08:00

This is it... my first post from that place that the U.S. Army has sent me too... I'm not doing anything real yet, just getting briefed on all of the important things that are happening here, and all of the things that I need to look out for as I'm working here (Kuwait, actually) and in Iraq itself...

Can't say much about what's going to happen with us, except that we're going to be driving transport missions from Kuwait into Iraq... military and military/civilian mixed convoys, lasting anywhere from 7 to 21 days... I'll try to post as often as I can, but... I may not even be able to take the time to check my comments very often...

I just want to tell anyone who reads this that, whether you support the reasons we're here or not, I personally have nothing against any opinion you wish to share, as long as you realize that there's usually another opinion out there that's just the opposite of yours...

My personal take on things here is, well...

Personal. And I'll keep it to myself for now.

(this is set for Kuwait time, I'll try and keep it on there just for grins...)

Peace...

Today Is The Day...

2005-10-30T10:55:00.000-08:00

Well, this is it... Today is THE day...

This evening, early, we will fly out of this country and, when we finally land, we'll be in the Iraqi theatre... (that's the best way I can put it, I can't tell exactly when or where)... My unit will be there for as close to 365 days as they can manage... hopefully, I'll get leave sometime in the middle...

This post won't be long, obviously, but I'm at least going to say thanks to all those who have let me know that they support us soldiers, even if they don't support the war...

I hope to get the chance to post some more over there, but of course it'll depend on security and how close we are to internet access...

If anyone reads this, and just decides to cry, get pissed off, or anything else, well, don't feel alone... my family will be doing all the same here for quite a while...

Peace...

It Finally Happened...

2005-10-22T15:35:00.000-07:00

That's right, folks... anyone who may have been reading lately knows that we've been working on getting married... well, WE DID!!! As of yesterday, Oct. 21, 2005, this happy couple that's been together for over 11 yrs. 7 months are FINALLY HUSBAND AND WIFE!!!

And it's a happy time here... a small civil ceremony, just the right amount of family and friends, and on my mom's birthday too... it was a really good day... my mom took us out for a late lunch to celebrate...

We've wanted to get married for a while, but a couple of things were stalling us... now that it's all over and finally done, it's like... WHY DID WE WAIT?? I mean, we could have taken care of things a long time ago, but... to us, it wasn't important as long as we were together... and we've always known we'd be together regardless, so...

But now that we're happily married, we're going to enjoy the next 7-10 days or so before I leave for Iraq... and then, we'll enjoy any possible leave I get during the next year... and our REAL honeymoon will be when I get back... I'm voting for Las Vegas, but we might go on a cruise...

Thanks to all who have wished us well lately, and I hope everyone else out there is as happy as we are...

Peace...

Well, It's Almost Here...

2005-10-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

Today is Wednesday, the 19th. Tomorrow is Thursday, the 20th. As of tomorrow, my fiance and I will have known each other right at 12 yrs., 23 days or so... and will have been together for right at 11 yrs., 7 months...

And we will be finalizing our "freedom" tomorrow afternoon... (no, I won't explain, you figure it out if you can...)

And the following day, we will be married in a civil ceremony in an adjoining state...

Legally, we will start our life together on that day... but to us, it will simply be another important milestone in a life of love and happiness that we're both lucky enough to be spending with the one we love more than any other in the world...

A lot of people don't understand why we've waited so long for this to happen... we have had our reasons, and at the time, they all seemed valid...

But, to us, honestly... it was just unnecessary paperwork until now... we've known in our hearts we're meant to be together forever, and it didn't take a piece of paper to prove it to us...

Peace...

(oh, p.s.... to my dearest of friends, Kitty... This Church will have our hearts and prayers directed towards you, darlin', until your current situation resolves itself... I hope that our happiness and blessings spread to your part of the world, and that you will soon feel again the warmth and joy of security that you deserve...)

Peace...

I Was Going To Post Yesterday, But...

2005-10-16T16:58:00.000-07:00

I was going to drop a note on here yesterday, but my computer is too far from my bed... and I didn't get very far from my pillows all day long... my bachelor party was Friday night, and, well... it was a very good time... and I get these HORRIBLE hangovers, so...

My buddies (2 of the GREATEST guys in the world) rented the balcony of our favorite local exotic dance establishment... they also chained and locked a 14 lb. bowling ball (wrapped the ball in duct tape, taped and locked a 5/8" chain to it very well) to my leg... I went around all evening long (7pm to 2am) carrying that ball everywhere I went (to the bathroom like 5 times... up and down stairs, LONG walk across the main floor)... they locked it with a combination lock (3 numbers to unlock) and gave 6 numbers to 6 dancers... starting at 8, I got a private dance every hour until I had all 6 numbers, then I was supposed to figure out which 3 numbers were the combination, and in which order... needless to say, I had to cheat at the end of the night and get one of my buddies to tell me the combination so I could go to bed when I got home... but, it was DEFINITELY a helluva night...

One final, "last hurrah" as they say, and... well, it's weird that we're finally going to put the "icing on the cake" that has been our relationship and our love... we've been together so long, I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like if we weren't...

It's weird, I've never really been "on my own" like a lot of people... I mean, I haven't ALWAYS been in a relationship, but I've never, like, had my own place, worried about my own bills all alone, had a job that just supported me (except for a couple of low-paying jobs traveling with carnivals... but, I had no bills and always shared a living space, so I wasn't really on my own...) and had any REAL amount of money to myself...

But, as they say, you can't really miss what you've never really had... also, I don't think I would have lasted long on my own without SOMEONE grabbing on to me and not letting go (it always seemed like there's been a girl/woman waiting), so I don't really think I'd do very well on my own...

The world (and I) will never know...

Peace...

Hey, Hey, What Can I Say...

2005-10-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

All right, I'll start off by saying that the "blue funk" I've been in for the past few posts has blown away (for the most part, anyways), and my attitude and outlook on things is getting better...

Some of it's because my better half (who's my sweet, darlin' fiance) and I are GETTING MARRIED NEXT WEEK!!! After a long, LONG time (way TOO long) of being together, we're finally gonna get legal... It's just been a matter of money, and time, and a few "legalities" that we had to clarify before we could "tie the knot"... and finally, after ALL THIS TIME, we'll be HUSBAND AND WIFE...

WOO HOO!!!!

I'd appreciate it if all of you "well-meaning well-wishers" who would like to decry the act of "pre-marital cohabitation" kept your well-meant moralities to yourself... I promise you that I'm NOT trying to imply that your opinions are without merit, it's just that, I PROMISE YOU that I've heard it all before...

(One of the things that has made this past week or so more enjoyable is... my bachelor party is TOMORROW NIGHT!!! At our favorite local "exotic dancing establishment"... YEAH!!!)

Oh, and just so all of you out there (who care) know... I happen to LOVE my "wife-to-be" very, VERY much, and would like nothing better than to celebrate our marriage with a big, HUGE party, but... as you've probably noticed, the invitations didn't come back from the shop in time, and so we couldn't mail them out, and, well... (I probably would've gotten all your addresses confused, anyway...)

But, you're all still invited to come over to my place, as long as you can find it... We're right around the corner from that store, you know the one, it sells that stuff that you always like to buy (cheaper than the other place down the street)... I won't require any gifts, but it will be BYOB...

See ya'll when ya get here...

Peace...

And The Countdown Continues...

2005-10-07T09:22:00.000-07:00

Anyone who's read this blog a few times knows that I'm in the Army, and my unit is headed over to Iraq soon... I can't say when, or where we're going (it's not anyone's business, unless you want to come too... no? O.k.)...

Anyway, it's supposed to be sometime either the last week of this month, or the first week or so of Nov. that we're leaving... won't be back for a year, except for MAYBE two weeks of leave sometime in the middle... which we all pray we get... not everybody does... so, it's getting pretty sad around here... I keep realizing that I'll be gone for a long time, and I'll see things (or people) that I know I'm going to miss... and it get's really hard sometimes to plan ahead for that long a period of time, and truly understand what it means...

And I know I'm not the only person this is happening to, and my family isn't the only family to deal with it all, but... it's still very personal, and it's still us that has to deal with it...

Well, I didn't actually come on here to type about sad stuff, there's been too much of that happening around here... everything's finally fine here for the moment... at least, it seems that way... I know I was kinda vague about the stuff that went on, that's because it was personal, and not public business...

Anyway, this post isn't what I thought it was going to be today, so I'll just leave it here, and maybe have more to say later today, or sometime this weekend...

Peace...

All's Not Always Well That Ends Well...

2005-10-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

My last post was one of sadness (obviously)... it looks like someone made a comment, but I can't get it to pull up... oh, well...

Things are a little better... the situation that caused total despair is over for the moment, and everyone concerned has survived intact... well, physically, at least...

Emotions, on the other hand... well, sometimes those can take a beating, and the person can survive, but their feelings never truly heal...

And trust... wow, once that takes a good, solid hit, well... let's just say that it's easy to break (as we all know), and the bruises from that stand out for a long, long time... those scars never heal...

The thing is, life still has to go on... and no matter what happens, there's always another day to think about... and after something really bad goes on, when it's over, life still has to keep going, usually with the same people, and mostly the same situation... things can happen, but not much ever changes...

The weird thing is, how the rest of the world usually just keeps going around "you" when things happen... I mean, all kinds of things happen to you, your whole life falls apart, and... the rest of the world barely notices at all... people still go to the grocery store, the t.v. still shows stupid commercials... and people you walk by in public places don't ever know what's going on inside you... it all seems so surreal sometimes...

O.k., I'm done for the moment... just wanted everyone to know that everyone here survived... not sure what's going to happen now, but I'll try and keep you all informed...

Peace...

A Lot Of Sadness...

2005-09-25T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not going into details here, because I don't feel the need, and anyone that reads this probably doesn't really want to hear it all... besides, too many differing opinions out there, and I DON'T want to hear them...

The only thing I have to say right now, in a very general way is, why is it that some people think the only way out of a bad situation is to end it all? And yes, I mean life... why can't some people just realize that there's a great big world out there, and even though your part of it falls down around your ears, there are always things to do besides just quitting... I mean, I have in my time, once, felt that I would never be able to go on with my life because of a particular situation I found myself in, but I didn't do anything stupid, and it turned out that I was very smart in that respect, because things ended up a hundred percent better than I had thought they would... and if I had done anything stupid, it would have been an awful mistake...

I recently (bare bones version) had someone I care for very much try to take themselves out of a bad situation that came up... it hurts that they tried (they're o.k. at the moment, under observation and all) because they have a LOT of support from everyone that they know... and, personally, I find it heartbreaking that they didn't let ME help them more... it's totally shocking that this person wanted to do this, and even though I understand what's going on in the situation, I can't accept that this would be the best answer to it all... in fact, it seems to me that the best thing to do is keep going, prove other people wrong (I'm not going to explain it all, so don't ask) and just do everything necessary to make the situation better... because it may take time, but it will all get better eventually... but, as I said, it hurts that they've focused so much on their pain (which, I understand, is real, and very intense) that they can't see that there's another, better way out of it... it might not be immediate, but it's there... and while I thought that they were taking comfort from the fact that things were going to work out right eventually, it turned out that they had already decided to give up... couldn't wait...

I barely got the ambulance to the house in time...

If I'm not around for a while, I hope anyone who reads this understands... the only reason I'm on here now is that I'm waiting on a phone call from the hospital... not sure when it's going to come, but all I can do is wait...

If you have honest, sympathetic comments, my only request is that you KEEP THEM BRIEF... feel free to say what you need to, but (and I'm not trying to hurt feelings, I'm just being honest) I don't really want to have to wade through anyone else's sad story, about themselves, or their relative, or friend... right now, I don't really even want to deal with what's going on now, but I just have to, so I will...

To anyone I've made sad with this post, well... I hope you can get over it quickly... go read the comics on Yahoo News page... it helps me sometimes (not now, but)... to any who don't care, well, I hope, in your life, all is well... and to all the rest, all I can say is...

Peace...

O.K., One More Time...

2005-09-24T06:16:00.000-07:00

I guess some people aren't as understanding or open as you might at first think... in my last post on here, I tried to apologize to someone that I offended... turns out, she wasn't looking for an apology, but apparently she needed a new target to focus some bad attitude on... well, I'm not going to slam her the way she slammed me on her blog, but I am going to respond to a few things she accused me of...

1. She accused me of using this blog, and surfing other blogs, simply to meet women. This accusation came after I read a very open, honest post of hers, and was impressed by her ability to talk about a couple of very touchy subjects... well, just because I wanted to contact and chat with her "off-blog", she assumed that I wanted to cyber-sex her... which was not true... I simply thought it would be interesting to talk to someone with an interesting point of view on a LOT of subjects (yes, including, but not exclusive to, sex) that was different from other women that I have been around. But, even after trying to explain this misunderstanding to her, it seems that she didn't have a very open mind after all... oh, and as for the idea that I only try and talk to women on here, well, I think there are quite a few men that I've read posts of and commented on who would probably be very confused about that statement... I am a bit more interested in talking to women than men, most guys are, but I was raised by my mom and three older sisters, and I learned a long time ago that women are generally more interesting to talk to than men (I mean, I already have a guys point of view... mine)...

2. She also accused me of "begging for money" simply because I have a link that says "I Accept Donations", and it goes to "The Church of Me Donation Box"... well, either she didn't read the post that is on that site, or once again, her closed-mindedness kept her from seeing the truth... that site was created after a friend of mine heard that this blog was a "Church"... he said, "hey, you should set up a donation box, like all churches have"... and, well, as a J O K E, I did... and if you read the post, it's pretty obvious that I don't expect anyone to give me anything at all... and I DAMN sure don't want anything because I'm in the Army... also, if the post there is read far enough down, you'll see that I pretty much hope that people will click on the LINKS that I have there, which are for the Red Cross, Salvation Army, United Way, and the Children's Miracle Network... I'm working on finding more links to put on there to other organizations I like... but, the idea that she got from that post was, I'm some sort of freeloading, money hungry bum... guess she wasn't even trying to look for the truth, and can't get (what I thought was) a pretty obvious joke...

3. She also accused me of making her ratings drop on some site that pays attention to how many people like your blog... so, I guess she's just in this all to make herself look good... well, if I did anything at all, I'd say it was to bring out a side of her attitude that, I guess, no one wanted to read or see...

Now. I'm done with her. I didn't want to have to use my time or space to discuss this anymore, I tried to drop it, I even apolgized, but... I guess some people just have to find someone else to complain about sometimes...

But, in the long run, I guess I'm glad she didn't want to talk... she seems a lot less interesting now...

Peace...

Not Sure If I Really Need To Post, But...

2005-09-21T17:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure if I need to post anything, I haven't really had anything happen lately... also, even though I got a neat little hit-counter, I think I'm the only one who clicks it when I check out what's going on here... so, I'm not sure anyone's reading...

Ok, ok, I know, a blog is supposed to be about what the person writing wants to write, and not what other people are reading... one of my "friends" on here told me that I shouldn't worry about whether anyone reads it, just write it... I guess that's true, but...

I probably have a complex of some kind, I mean, I feel like, if I take the time to write this stuff out here in a public place, then I hope someone sees it... sorta like some kind of "need for validation"... not that I really want everyone to comment, if they don't want to they don't have to, but...

I guess it's why I'm afraid to finish all the short stories and novels I've started... I'm kind of afraid of the reaction I might get from people who may end up reading them...

O.K. then, sorry 'bout that... been feeling really tired, guess I just needed a quick "personal pity party" there... I just hope that no one feels I'm any more pathetic now than they did before... (haha, I hope that's a joke)...

Oh, and by the way, I want to PUBLICLY apologize (no, this is the last time, I promise) to someone who (I hope) will read this... it goes like this, I read a post of hers, dropped a comment, made a request to "talk" with her online, and, well, because of either the comment I left, or the way I made the request, I was misunderstood, and she kinda got "defensive", I guess I understand, but... in the end, I wish it hadn't happened, because the subject she THOUGHT I wanted to talk about was actually the LAST thing on my mind... what I really wanted was a view on life from someone with her attitude and lack of fear when it comes to discussing a subject...

But, oh well, I freaked her out, and now she's pretty much decided not to have anything to do with me, so... all I can say is, I HATE being misunderstood, and not given a chance to explain, so that's why I've taken MY time and space to try and apologize to her, and quit wasting hers... If you read this, please know that I've dropped it for good, and this here is the last I'll mention of it, unless you tell me you change your mind and want to talk...

I know that if you read this, you'll know who you are, so I'm not going to just drop your name or blog out here, I don't want to embarass you any more than I have...

Peace...

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday...

2005-09-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

Not a whole lot to say today... sorry if my last post seemed like a rant, was just kinda tired...

Been sitting here, not really doing much web-hopping, more into trying to finish a video series I'm into... it's an Anime (yeah, Japanese animation) series called TRIGUN, about a guy they call Vash The Stampede... I know, most everyone thinks these shows are a lot of kid-stuff fluff, but if you haven't watched some of them, then you're missing out... most of them are actually NOT for kids, they're more like animated dramas aimed at adults (I'm not talking about the porn, or "hentai", either... that's a whole 'nother discussion)...

Anyway, in this series TRIGUN, Vash is a wandering gunman who really only wants peace and love for the world... he's not into killing, and will do everything possible to prevent someone dying... it's all set on this really desert planet that only has some habitable areas... there are a lot of evil people on the planet, and their main goal is pretty much to kill Vash... it's really a great show, it has a LOT of moral strength to it, and the character of Vash is pretty much one of my favorite characters in ANY kind of show or movie, ever. I've seen lots of movies, t.v. shows and such that try and teach right and wrong, good and evil, but this one really does get the point across... it's got a background story that unfolds kinda slow, and you really have to pay attention, and of course it's got a lot of cartoony-type action, but it's honestly a great show (or I wouldn't spend my time posting about it here)...

One last thing, down below are the lyrics to the song at the end credits of the show... they're written in subtitles as the words are sung in Japanese... I think they're cool, and they pretty accurately describe a wandering soul, which is just what Vash is...

Underneath the blue sky, the wind blows towards the future...
as if to draw the rays of the sun into an embrace.

I just let it push me around...
leaving only my footprints behind.

If I have the air to stroke my cheek and soft grass to fall down on...
I don't need anything else.

Sleeping with a contented smile...
I stare into tomorrow...
that stretches on endlessly.

Peace...

VERY Long Days, But The Days Are Getting Shorter...

2005-09-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

Yep, I'm back... sorry to those of you who missed me, I had to take a break from my little place of salvation here and live in the real world for a while...

What the "real deal" is, as some of you who've been here before know, I'm in the Army, and we're leaving for Iraq in less than 2 months (hence, the days getting shorter... like I had to tell you)... this past week, we spent 5 (count'em, I said FIVE) days in the field, getting "certified" on the things we're going to do when we get "there"... from Monday morning at 5 a.m., to today (Friday! Hurray!) at about 5:30 p.m.(the VERY long days... of course you knew that), we had to camp out and prove to another unit here on post (don't think I've said where... won't now either) that we know what we're doing when it comes to most all of the things the Army says we need to know before they let us go to Iraq for a year... we did very well, even though it seems my unit (platoon, actually) can't get along for more than two minutes in a row... now all we have to do before we leave is pretty much pack and finish paperwork... thank goodness all the "hard" stuff is over, only easy stuff left...

That is, if you feel that planning to leave your family and friends for a year to go overseas and do something that most people feel is not only unnecessary, but flat out wrong, is easy...

You know what, how's about we all do this: Take your mental eraser and simply wipe out EVERYTHING I just said in the preceding paragraphs... because if you don't, then before I know it, SOMEONE will end up posting a comment on here that will either be WAY to sappy/sympathetic, or will just flat out TICK me off, and to tell the truth, I don't want either kind of comment at all... in fact, if you can't just drop a nice hello here, please don't say anything at all...

Oh, by the way... I saw a couple of BEAUTIFUL sunrises, a few GORGEOUS sunsets, and slept in (and through) quite a few hours worth of rain... I saw a little bit of what nature has to offer, and I must say that when I look back on this past week, the beauty of it all made up for some of the "missing the family" and "pain in the ass" work I had to do... SOME, not all...

Peace...

Well...

2005-09-10T06:58:00.000-07:00

Not quite sure what to post about today... it's been a decent week at work, but next week will suck... possibly all week in the field, maybe to include Saturday... oh, well, once we get it out of the way, we'll be o.k....

Not even much to complain about... I mean, it's been pretty good overall, tired as usual, but good things still happening... apparently I might not be awake enough yet to post anything real...

I only have a couple of things on my mind, one of which is simply this: If people really feel that all of this "hurricane relief" stuff has been motivated by race or politics (both of which are entirely possible), then write your feelings down, keep them updated every so often, and bring them back out the next time you VOTE. Don't forget your feelings, but don't let them get in the way of what needs to happen NOW. Right now, regardless of HOW you feel the situation is being handled, it's important to remember that it needs to be dealt with, people need safety, clean water, food, and entire cities need to be rebuilt. I personally think that all of the energy that's being focused on ARGUING about who's doing what would be better spent HELPING AND REBUILDING people's lives. If all you're doing is sitting around wondering why someone hasn't come to help you or done enough to help you, then maybe you should save those feelings and worry more about helping yourself or someone else. Time will tell on all of the people who've screwed things up, but what needs to be done now is way more important than politics, or (to me personally) even racism right now...

Just MY feelings, please don't slam me for them...

A great tragedy has befallen this country, and a period of mourning combined with the hope of recovery is at hand... this Church mourns those who were lost...

Also, I'd like to take just a moment to say that one of my favorite actors passed away last week... Bob Denver, who we all knew and loved as Gilligan, and I actually remember from re-runs as Maynard G. Krebbs on the old show "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis" died Friday, Sep. 2nd... He will be missed, not only for his t.v. roles, but also for his charitable work... log on to Bob Denver's website, and there's a message about his passing, and how his family wants those who care to donate to his charity, The Denver Foundation Inc. (NOT to be confused with any organizations from the CITY of Denver), which is an organization for the handicapped in Mr. Denver's home state of West Virginia...

A time of mouring is upon this Church, both for the great and small things that befall us all...

Peace...

A Word To Those Who Annoy...

2005-09-06T17:17:00.000-07:00

I have a statement to those who "spam" others. First of all, your work is often deleted without so much as a second glance. All of the time you spend creating such worthless junk is wasted. Why you choose to spend your time creating such CRAP that others not only find annoying, but often just downright RUDE, is baffling. Why not use your creativity for GOOD instead of EVIL? Do you honestly think that these ugly little attempts at attracting our attention will actually make us want to LIKE your product or service? Are you really naive enough to think that we'll try what you have to offer us and it will CHANGE OUR LIVES FOREVER?

Get real. The only thing you do with these grotesque little pieces of internet dung is ensure that NO ONE with the actual capabilities you're seeking comes anywhere NEAR your website, product, or service. In fact, I can assure you that at NO POINT IN TIME whatsoever are you going to receive anything even resembling the fantasy reaction that you've envisioned.

I can also tell you with almost perfect certainty that people, REAL people, already KNOW that any actual person or company that can REALLY come out with a product or service that they need, find useful, and can be satisfied with, would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS resort to such trivial and useless measures which you find so enthralling to your miniature little minds. Because a REAL company knows that the REAL way to attract consumers is by giving what they expect, and NOT annoying the living hell out of them until they hate you with the red hot fires of a billion burning suns...

Peace to all who DON'T "spam"...

Not Much To Say...

2005-08-30T19:22:00.000-07:00

Don't have much to say tonight... Central air system has pretty much went out, need money we don't have to fix it, luckily the guy we're renting from has an insurance/warranty deal that keeps the cost down, only have to co-pay the service charge, which we don't have... Other than it being a roasting 90F in here at 9:00pm, all is good for now...

Oh, and as far as it goes, I'm going to try and NOT play the "I'm in the military, read my blog" card here... I'm only going to mention a few things at a time, I don't want this to become a "forum" kind of place for people to take sides on, and I darn sure don't want to end up in the middle of ANYONE'S personal feelings towards the war, or any other issues for that matter. I appreciate the support I've gotten on here so far, and I don't want anyone to think that I don't care about your feelings... it's just that, this is MY place here, and I promise not to try and make it a place where other people's issues are discussed, as I don't really want this to become a sounding board or debate place for anyone else...

This is, after all, MY CHURCH... and if anyone has any opinions to share here, it's ME and me alone...

I hope you all understand, this has been written as Church Doctrine...

Peace...

Well, now....

2005-08-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday morning, coffee's on... I've been up for a couple hours, just kinda waking up... it's been a long week, and next week is going to seem even longer (even though it's only a four-day week, because of Labor Day)... long working days ahead, very short nights...

I just want to set something straight here... I'm in the Army, but I'm probably not one of those typical guys you're used to hearing from... there's a few different types of Soldiers, ranging from the ones that know they're going to make a career out of it as soon as they graduate basic training and AIT, to those that want out as soon as they get to the reception area, before they even get to basic... some join for the college money, and get confused because they actually have to BE Soldiers in order to earn it... some join to get away from the bad things that have happened in their lives, or the bad things they've done, and they struggle every day to keep straight and sane and fairly sober... then there are those who join for the "glory" of it all, only to find that military service is, deep down, a job that you have to "plug away" at day in, day out, just like every other job... there are benefits, but a lot of Soldiers either don't know what they are, don't use them, or don't think they're worth everything else they have to do to earn them...

What gets me the most is, all of the people that join the military, and then get angry, or act betrayed when they actually have to DO military stuff... they finish training and get to their units and it's like, "hey, wait, I'm in the wrong place, where's all the people to do this work FOR me?", and these are the people that just don't understand that military service is just that: a SERVICE you perform for your country. You SERVE in the military, and the last time I checked, that means you WORK... also, these people feel like most everything they do is useless, or meaningless, and don't understand that most of the boring little jobs need to get done so that all of the BIG jobs can happen... and then they complain about having to do things for appearance sake, like wear decent uniforms, or get haircuts, not realizing that a good image makes people feel good about you, and therefore makes YOU feel better about the way you're treated... then there's the people who don't get the idea of "paying attention to DETAIL", which is a BIG military thing... because if you're observant and attentive enough to pay attention to all the details in the things going on around you, you'll absorb your training better, and be able to react well to any little thing that changes while you're doing your job...

I'm sorry, but it just seems to me that there are people in the military that just need a great big reality check... because with the world we live in today, they are going to HAVE to get their acts together, because they will absolutely HAVE to be a Soldier at some point in time or another...

And for those who DON'T agree with the government, and hate the things that the military has to do, and even wishes we didn't HAVE a military service to go out and invade, kill, and destroy other people and places, all I have to say to you is, "I'm proud to serve you, whether you appreciate me or not, and I will continue to fight for your right to live in a free country, where you can have all of the opinions, right or wrong, that you see fit to have..."

Peace...

On A Hot Saturday Afternoon

2005-08-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

Well, here on a HOT Saturday afternoon, we're melting. The central air unit is either freezing up, or clogged up, or something... I've made sure it's not dusty, and cleaned the filters, and it worked for about the first hour or so, but it's still HOT here... so, I'm not sure what else to do... it's humid, that's why I'm afraid the cooler is freezing up... but, right now, things are going o.k., we're about to have a B-day party for my step-daughter, she turns 15 today... right now she's in the kitchen trying to cook something she wants, while she sweats into a puddle on the floor... I really hope she knows that the reason there's so much heat for her to complain about is because of the hot stove she's standing over... haha she knows it, but she won't listen when I tell her not to stand right next to it for the entire time her food cooks.... I'm just dad, what do I know...

The love of my life is lying in our bed, reading a book and slowly perspiring her way through the mattress... (wow, that's not as pleasant as I meant it to sound) she's in a not-so-good-mood because of the heat, and the part of the month it'll be soon (in the P part of the MS)....

I'm just sitting here typing off into the internet, clicking through blogs and waiting for the sun to go down... other than that, all is well....

Peace......

Hey Diddle Diddle....

2005-08-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

I'm just sitting here on a Sunday morning, thinking about stuff that's not really important. I'm wondering what I should write here, because I want it to be interesting and worth reading. So, what's it gonna be?

I got it. I've done a list of things that are to be held sacred in my church, so here's a list of things that are at the opposite end of that idea, things to be called profane, or sins:

1. Judging someone and telling everyone what your judgement is. People who judge others and find almost infinite fault with them, and then insist on telling everyone else they can find. I may have some low opinions about some people, but I've always believed "if you can't say something nice..." etc.

2. Not trying to understand another person's motivations. This bugs me. I know some people do some stupid, irrational, thoughtless things, but they generally have reasons for it. I know that I don't always do things that make sense, even when someone else tells me what to do right before I ignore them and do my own thing. I HAVE A REASON for doing the things I do, whether they're mistakes or not. You're NOT ALWAYS right, just because you suggested something and I ignored you and I made a mistake.

3. Thinking that you are better than another person, just because you don't make the same mistakes the other person does. This kinda goes back to #1 up there. I know some really good people who makes mistakes, and some not-so-good people who look down on them for it. Just because you don't screw up, it doesn't make you a freakin' angel. You can still be scum.

4. Saying that you want to help, then making excuses for a half-assed job, or just backing out all together. If you don't want to do what it takes to help someone accomplish a goal, whether work or personal, then just tell them. As far as I'm concerned, it's better just to say "No" than to make some kinda commitment and then give them about 10%, or just backing out when they need you.

5. Thinking that when anyone tries to help you, it means they think you're incompetent or unable to function as a person. I HATE it when I see people who simply need a hand with something, and I try to help, and they get pissed because they think I'm treating them like a kid, or like someone that can't work alone. Or worse, someone with a real PROBLEM, and I offer my support and any help I can give, and they just blow up at me because they think that I'm patronizing them. When I offer someone help, it's because I JUST WANT TO HELP, because I feel generous and want to try to help them finish their task with less effort, or for the actual problems, it's because I hope that the person can overcome them, and if I can provide anything to make it easier on them, I want to do it.

6. The "I don't think things should be the way they are, so I'm not going to do the things I should" attitude. People with this attitude REALLY piss me off. They're the ones who say things like, "I don't think we should be told how fast we can drive" and then go 90 on a road that's only safe for 55. Or, when you're working, they're the ones that don't follow all the safety measures they should, because it takes too long. As far as I'm concerned, I may not like all of the laws or rules that exist, but when they apply, they should be followed. If you don't like them, work your way up in your job or your society and get to a position to change them. Until then, you really need to be like the rest of us, and "suck it up and drive on". And yes, my being in the Army, with all of it's rules and regulations, I see this attitude ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME.

7. People thinking that the whole world should change for them. This usually applies to the people in #6, who think that society should just give them all the breaks in the world, like they're special or something. Or they think that nothing is fair, there's no point in things being the way they are, and everything should change to a way that makes them happy. The only thing I can say to these people is, get over it. Society has been the way it is for quite a long time, it's not here just for your happiness, and you'll get along with a lot less stress if you just figure out how to do your own thing within society, instead of trying to fight and kick and cuss and scream and blame "the system" for all of your woes and disappointments. Once again, if you don't like things the way they are, get to a position to CHANGE THEM. Otherwise, deal with it like the rest of us.

8. When people don't understand the difference between "growing up" and "being a responsible adult". Growing up means giving up all of the things that make you feel happy in a basic, childish way. I'll never grow up. Being a responsible adult means doing what it takes to survive in society alone (or with a partner). Things like getting a job, paying your own bills, and taking care of yourself so that an outside party doesn't have to. I know perfectly healthy, capable people in their 20's right now that are sponging off of others for everything they need, and refusing to become productive members of society because they don't think they should have to "grow up". I pray every day that they'll get a giant wake-up call when their ass lands in the streets with nothing but the air they breathe.

All of the things and attitudes I've listed here are sins in my church, and are to be avoided at the risk of damnation.

Oh, as for the title of this post, I was watching a marathon yesterday of "Night Court", that funny ass 80's sitcom, and they showed one with the character Buddy (supposedly the judge's father), and he had a friend with him named Al. Al was didn't talk, until about the end of the show, and then he gave a speech about some things in the world that really confused him. Part of the speech was this little rhyme:

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle,

is a lie like all the rest.

The astronauts killed the man in the moon,

and growing up took care of the rest.

Peace.

Lazy Saturday Morning...

2005-08-13T07:25:00.000-07:00

Just sitting here, flipping through blogs like channels on a television... it is SO freakin' cool to be able to just, randomly look into other people's heads like that... well, that's what it feels like, anyway...

So, I keep finding some of the weirdest things on here... most are pretty cool, but some are just plain odd... of course, it's to be expected, what with people being as different as they are, but there's the occasional one that just kinda gets your attention because of it's sheer amazingness (is that a word?)... here's one that is both funny and creative... at least I think it is... championhandwasher this guy is a cool nutcase that reads the personal ads on a website called craigslist , (which is funny in itself... if you go on there, pick a city or area, go down to the personals, and prepare to be astounded by the things people will put in an anonymous personal ad) and then he makes comments, changes things up, and generally has a good time with them... plus, his personal insights into himself are just comical (again, MY opinion)...

Enough for now, I just had to take time to highlight "the champ"... if you're put off by the first page you see, check his archives... he's not for the easily offended, but he's funny for those of us that can take a joke...

Sacred Things

2005-08-05T06:03:00.000-07:00

There are some things in this world that should be held close to us, and never let go... things that make us feel good, or give us strong emotions that remind us we're alive...

THINGS I LOVE:

The smile on my 6 month old granddaughter's face when I walk into the room and speak to her... her giggling laugh that's full of sweet, pure, innocent joy...

Touching my wife... just being able to reach out and feel her skin, hold her, know that she's near me... her touching me... (even though I'm ticklish as hell)... knowing that she wants to be near me, and that she loves me...

Watching the Sun rise... where I grew up in southeastern New Mexico, in the desert grasslands, on a partly cloudy morning... that magic hour or so, from about half an hour before the Sun breaks the horizon, to a half hour after it fully clears the horizon... the colors blasted onto the clouds, oranges, reds, even purple... starting the day with a show like that was amazing...

Watching the Sun set... for most of the same reasons as above, ending the day with a beautiful sunset was a promise of good things to come...

Women... just the way they are, physically and emotionally beautiful... when a woman laughs, it means to me that good things are happening...

Good food... when I eat something I'm in the mood for, and it's as good as I hoped it would be... it's a natural satisfaction that's better than drugs...

Having a really good day with my family and/or friends... when I just hang out with everyone, and we all laugh and just have fun... that's what life's really about...

All of the things above are things which make me feel good about life, and as such, here in the Church of Me, these things are to be held Sacred in my worship...

A Self-Portrait.....

2005-08-03T22:50:00.000-07:00

Here it is. A self-portrait of me... I took it myself, I hope it does me justice....

Like a Virgin.....

2005-08-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

Ok, here goes.... I guess this is what it feels like to open yourself to someone for the first time.... I'll probably post something better here soon, but just like the first time, it's over before you know it, you're left a little confused, and not really sure what just happened....